Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
