you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
