Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
