Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
