never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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