i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
