Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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