It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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