So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
