areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
