what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
