In the future we'll all be gay
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
