I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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