you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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