All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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