I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
