Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
