my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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