so let's talk penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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