They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
