your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
