You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
