Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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