This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
