even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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