Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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