This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
