i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How's work?
Spinning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
