We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
