I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
