new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
only if we run a train.
done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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