I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
