yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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