i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
