The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
