She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
