Please, let me fuck your mom
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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