Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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