Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
