and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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