It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
