Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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