dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
