If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
