My hand turned me down
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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