i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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