thus making me awesome and them whores
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
third nipple confirmed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
