just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
