i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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