God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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