I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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