I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
