First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
