just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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